When will I learn to quit begging for Kyle's work schedule every month! I set myself up every time... hopeful for all days and no weekends... and more times than not, my hope for the ideal schedule is crushed as the words "nights" "weekends" and , worst of all, "TDYs" slap me in the face. Last night was no different... Kyle sheepishly walked into the bed room and proceeded to rub my back, so I knew it wasn't good. I quit listening after the words "Out of town for a month."
Nope, Kyle will be out of town for a month...Grrrrreat. Well, at least the Grrrr part is accurate.
Yes, I cry just about every time he has to go. It doesn't seem to get any easier no matter how many times he goes out of town. Yes, it could be worse... he could be gone for months or even a year. But my emotions still get the best of me.
A lady at work shared something with our department during our prayer time last week... it was about choosing to respond to situations based on God's truth and not based on our emotions. A sign of spiritual maturity is responding based on what is true and not based on how I feel.
Not responding based on how I feel...This has been a hard lesson for me. It's something I struggle with, and I think probably something I will always have to fight. When I am mad, I respond in anger, when I am sad, I want pity, when I feel like I deserve better, I seek out to get what I want... "What I deserve."
I deserve to be sad and wallow in self pity because Kyle has a crazy work schedule and goes out of town on short notice, right... Right?
The truth is that when things don't go my way, it is an opportunity to respond in a way that glorifies God... it's an opportunity to be an example of Christ. I want to live my life in such a way that I look for opportunities to grow in my walk with the Lord and to let Christ shine through me. I've learned that this is not easy! That's why it's so important to respond based on God's Word and not on my emotions. I guarantee you, I will choose myself every time if I make decisions off of how I feel. It's why so many couples can't communicate, why so many people are scarred by hurtful words...why so many marriages end in divorce. We choose to make decisions based off of how we feel and not based off of God's Word... not based off of what is true.
I know I will still get sad when Kyle has to go out of town... still cry here and there... it's not the emotion that's wrong.. it's what we choose to do with that emotion.
Before I finish, I would like to add as small disclaimer: a little retail therapy never hurt anyone. :)